I am a pretty little doll. I have long wavy hair with a light blue ribbon clipped on. I wear a blue frock that reached up to my knees. I love my white shoes. I am the kind of typical play dolls little girls like to play with. But there was something different about me. I can feel.
I sit on the brown shelves of this little toy shop. It isn't grand, but I love this place because it is cozy. I like to see the different kind of people coming into the shop. They just look so interesting. But I cannot interact with them. I can only wait for them to notice me.
I like the place where I sit. Because just straight up ahead of me, there is this good-looking boy. He has been around for as long as I have been. Or maybe longer. I do not have a heart, so I would not say my heart beat faster when I saw him. But remember, I can feel. And when I met him, I felt a kind of surge, telling me, I needed to talk to him.
We never did. I was being placed on the shelves at one corner of the shop. He was placed on the shelves on another corner of the shop. Days went by, and all I could do was look at him. It has been two years, five months, two weeks, and six days now. I never got tired looking at him. He is perfect.
He has ebony hair nicely styled. He wore a life vest and beach pants. He seem like a prince. He never talk. All the time, he just has this sad looking expression on his face. I wish I knew why he had that look, but I never did.
Today is another great day. The sun shine through the translucent glass window. Dolls never sleep of course. We are never tired. I've seen uncountable sunrise and sunset. And today seems like another great day. Everyday has been great actually, because I have him to look at, and my cozy home where I belong.
Here comes the shop keeper. A gentle old lady who loves children. She has two of her own, both grown and married. This shop was started by her children as her birthday present. They knew they ever since they got married, they spent lesser time with their mother. They did not want her to feel bored nor alone and thus this shop was set up. Besides chasing away loneliness for old gentle Mrs. Bissett, this shop eventually became a home to dolls like me.
A little girl came in through the door way. She hopped in actually, with a little lollipop in her hands.
This is her usual routine. As expected, the girl's mother stepped in the shop in exactly two minutes after. It is heart warming to see how they have got each to care for, a granddaughter and daughter to care for her. Mrs. Bissett must be feeling really blissful.
How I wished, I've got a family to care for me as well.
Little sweetie pie, the lovable granddaughter of Mrs. Bissett skipped off after giving a hug to granny. Together hand in hand with her mother, they walked off. Mrs. Bissett smiled as they went. Then she gave a sigh and mumbled to herself.
The sad expression is still on his face. His beautiful face. Can he feel just like the way I do? Or is he like any typical doll? Does he look at me, like the way I look at him?
A boy came in the shop. He has a very bad temper. He demanded Mrs. Bissett to get him a train set. A burly man came in after the little boy. He demanded the best train set for the little boy. Like father, like son. Poor Mrs. Bissett. She led them to the train set collection.
Each and every set was lovely. I do not understand why the little boy disliked them. He said they looked ugly. Upon seeing how Mrs. Bissett gave a bitter smile, both the father and son walked out of the shop.
I wonder how Mrs. Bissett felt. Poor old lady. Yet she kept her cool despite the insults she received from them. She have good tolerance. Perhaps that is why I like Mrs. Bissett?
I have been staying in the same position for two years. No one ever comes to take a look at me. Except for a little girl I remember. She has wide eyes and cherry lips. She also has an adorable expression. She took me off the shelves and said to her mother she wanted me. But her mother said no and she put me back. With tears in her face, she ran outside and shop and cried silently.
I still do not understand, why the mother did that, but she came over to me, took me off the shelf and stroke my hair. For the first time ever in my life, I could feel a mother's love. It felt like sun shine, warming me up. I never felt such warmth before and I like the feeling. It felt like I was loved, cherished, and protected. That's how great a mother's love can be. Or at least, that was how I felt for that one minute when she held me.
I remember vividly, what the mother said. She looked at her daughter outside the shop and a tear rolled down her cheeks. As she spoke, I thought I could hear her heart break.
"I know my daughter wants you. But I cannot afford it. My husband is gone. And my family is under going financial difficulty. As much as I know that a girl like her loves to have dolls like you, I can't afford to give her one. I feel sorry for myself, for her, and sorry to you. You are a pretty little doll. May you find a good owner. And when you do, bless us will ya?"
She smiled. I looked at her. Does she understand how I feel? I don't need money. If you want, why not just take me? I will be the little girl's companion because I feel lonely as well. Sitting on the shelves for more than two years, with no one to talk to how I feel about the prince opposite me, with no one to play with, with no where to go except to stay and face the walls of this shop.
True, it may be cozy but I want to explore the world.
True, I may feel happy because at least I get to look at him, but it's not enough.
I need company, I need friends. Most importantly, I need my fresh air.
But in the end, I will still be a pretty little doll. A doll that never grows old, a doll that will remain lonely, a doll with a soul that lingers in the body of a toy doll.
That's what I am, a lonely, pretty little doll.
It's been a long time since I wrote any story. Didn't felt like doing anything else so I must as well wrote one. ;\ . I supposed I can say I didn't plan the plot because I had none to begin with. It's a kinda free writing.
But it contains bits and pieces of how I feel. ;\ .
I think the little doll has bits and pieces of me in it. ;| .
But thinking about it. Wouldn't it be cool if I were a doll?
At least my heart won't ache as it does now.
Jared Chau.
For letting me taste the feeling of love and hate.
A lesson of a lifetime.
You are a wonderful teacher.
~Half-Life Existence~A white light glowed in the distance. A woman appeared.
She was dressed in a white dress that covered her feet and she had a tiara that matched her long blond hair that reached up to her waist. An accessory most woman would like. She wore silver bangles on her left hand. And in her right hand, she held a wheel. That kind of wheel one would normally find on a pirate ship. Only on the tip of the pointed edges were embellished with diamonds that shone. The silver ring on her right hand was a symbol of protection. She was mysterious. She had a gentle smile. A smile that could mesmerize most men.
"Kayla, do you want a blissful young life or a happy old age?" she spoke.
"How do you know my name?" I asked, admiring her elegance.
"I know everything. Do you want a blissful young life or a happy old age?" she asked again.
"What is the wheel in your hand for?" Her beauty was capturing my full attention.
"You will know soon. Do you want a blissful young life or a happy old age?" Her voice was melodic. Every thing about her was flawless.
I thought about it. A happy old age meant that I would only be happy when I am old. I will have to slog all my life. What is the point of living then? Whereas, a blissful young life would be much better. I mean. If I have a blissful young life, it would probably mean that I am successful. If I am successful, it will mean that I won't have to worry about my old age. So why wait till when I am old then enjoy life?
"A blissful young life." I told her.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded my head.
"And so be it. Your path has been fixed. You shall lead a blissful young life." And holding the wheel on both hands, the fairy turned the wheel to the right. My jaws dropped as it turned. A spotlight hit the ground. I watched the spotlight as it grew wider. And wider. And it grew brighter. And brighter and the next moment, I was blinded by it.
I sat up in my bed. My heart beating fast. Who was the woman? Did that dream mean anything? What blissful young life and happy old age? Was that destiny?
Before I go any further, let me introduce myself. My name is Kayla. I was 16 when I had that dream. Now, I am 27 and I am living happily with my husband and two children. I have a stable job as a teacher and I love the job because I simply love children. Not to mention my own children. I love them as much as I love my husband. We have been together for 10 years now. Just one year after I had that weird dream, I met him.
It was like love at first sight. But that's another story. Because I remembered that fairy-like woman in my dream and I guessed I found my blissful life on the day when we married. So here I am, living happily with him. His name is Tristan and he is two years older than I am. I really love him a lot. It was something words couldn't describe.
We had a girl and a boy. Denise and Dax.
And just today. That woman appeared in my dream again. But this time, I wasn't the one who get to decide what I want. I was standing by the side, watching a little girl who was supposingly me.
"A blissful young life."
*** ***The alarm clock rang. It was another glorious morning.
"Trist, wake up." I shook the man beside me. He looked so contented, immersed in his own land.
"Mmmmm, five minutes, Hon"
"Trist! Wake up. Our children are going to school today! And you promised to fetch them."
He sat up and smiled. It was this same smile that attracted me to him some ten years ago. "I am awake now." He gave me a peck on the forehead.
It was 8AM in the morning and we sat around the dining table. The children was excited about going back to school. After all, during the long-term holiday, they were bound to miss their friends. Did I mention that Denise and Dex were twins? And they are in the same school, same class. Both of them are 6. And their innocence can really touch my husband and I. We love our children alot.
"Mummy, Daddy, you two fetching Dax and I to school?" asked Denise.
I smiled. "Yes. Now finish your bread quickly. Daddy will be ready soon."
It didn't took very long to get Denise and Dax ready. Although both of them were only 6, they were very sensible. And I quite envy Tristan and I for having such sensible children. At times, when I look at other mothers, I have to giggle a little at how their children throw tantrums about going to school while I kiss my children on their cheeks and told them to have fun in school. Even the teachers who taught them told me they were fine kids.
"So, what are you going to cook tonight?" asked Tristan. He was driving and we were on our way to the supermarket.
"Not cook, bake. Today's our gems' birthday. Of course we have to prepare something suprising. Children loves suprises. Let's buy the ingredients for the cake before shopping for the gifts. We still need time to touch up on the atmosphere of the house for them. Our kids. Just wait till you see their happy faces." and I started giggling to myself all over again.
"Just look at you. I have to take my hats off you. Indeed. Denise and Dax, their smiles are what keep me going at work too. I had to take a day off just to be present on their birthday. I mean, how can I be absent on my children's birthday?"
We laughed. On our way to the supermarket, Tristan and I were trying to decide on the flavour and the topping as well as what to write on the cake. In the end, we decided that it shall be a chocolate flavoured cake, coated with cream and strawberries. It was the kind of typical birthday cake you have in mind. And those that you can find in most cake shops. The only difference was that it was going to be made by Tristan and I, with all our love as their parents, to Denise and Dax. Specially for them, for being with us for the past six years. Life would be so different without them.
"Fifty dollars and seventy-five cents." the cashier smiled. Tristan paid for the bills as usual and we walked out of the supermarket.
A cold wind blew on my face. I shivered. Something wasn't right. The sun was blazing. But there was a wind. So cold it made me shivered. It sent a chill down my spine.
"Trist, did you feel that?" I turned to him and asked.
"Feel what?" he looked suprised.
"The wind. The cold one."
Tristan frowned. He placed his right palm over my forehead. "Hon, are you alright? There was no wind at all. If there was, I would have felt it. Plus, look at the sun. I mean. It's making me feel like I am in an oven. It is not possible for me not to feel the wind if there was one."
It was my turn to frown. Goose pimples attacked me. "You are right. Trist..."
"Yes? You sure you're alright?"
"Mmm, I guess so. Let's continue with getting the presents for our kids. We still need to get on with the decorations."
"Alright then, but if you are feeling unwell or anything, tell me alright?"
I smiled. It was no wonder I fell for him. Being thoughtful all the time, which lady would not want a man like him? "Yes sir."
*** ***"A blissful young life." I told her.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded my head.
*** ***Everything seems all well and fine. The banner was up, the balloons were blown. What was left was the "gift" for Denise and Dax. You see, Tristan and I walked pass a pet shop while he was still trying to make sure that I was alright. And I could see right through the transparent glass window, this little puppy. On it's cage stated that it was only five months old. I don't know why but a voice inside told me I had to get it.
I made my way towards the window, pulling Tristan along with me. "Isn't it cute?"
"Mmmm. You think our kids would love it?"
"Yes, I love it."
"Our kids?"
"Of course they will!"
"Shall we get it then?"
I turned my attention away from the puppy to Tristan. "Yes. But, let's leave the puppy for later. I will go in to tell the shopkeeper than we want the puppy. Let's pay for it first. I don't want it to be sold to others. We can get it before making our way to their school. Denise and Dax can have a new company at the back seats today."
*** ***"Can I have the puppy now?" I asked in excitement, trying to imagine how Denise and Dax would react.
The shopkeeper handed me a leash and told me all about how to care for the puppy and what are its needs. I tried to digest most of her 'lecture' and made my way to the car where Tristan was waiting impatiently. He too, was excited about how our kids would react. We could not wait to hear their laughters and cooing over the cute little puppy. "You go get the kids okay? I want to hug this little puppy more. It seems so cuddly."
Tristan agreed.
*** ***"OH MY MUMMY AND DADDY BOUGHT PUPPY!!!" shouted Denise.
"DADDY AND MUMMY GOT A PUPPY!!!!" shouted Dax.
Both of them were sitting at the back seats, their head popping beside me. They wanted to hug the puppy and cradle it. I looked at them and laughed. "Here's the puppy." I handed it over to them tenderly. The puppy gave a gentle yelp. "HI DOGGY!!" exclaimed Denise. Dax did not exclaimed anything else. He was quieter than Denise and he stroked the fur of our new family pet.
Soon, we were on our way home. Laughters came from behind me. I looked at the reflection in the rear mirror and could see both Denise and Dax laughing away, having fun with their new company. It was bliss that I felt. I felt like the most fortunate woman in the whole world.
I looked at Tristan, his handsome face, and I felt the air of happiness surrounded us. All these years while we were together, from the first day, to the first week, and the first year. We went through so much. And now that we have our kids, I felt blessed. What can be happier than being blessed with a charming husband like mine and the two innocent and sensible children like ours. I can't help but chuckled again as I peeped at their activity through the rear mirror.
*** ***It was amusing to see how two children trying to take their turns handling a pet. Each of them held on to the leash for less than one minute before the other party snatched the leash away. I shooked my head and held on to Tristan. He was beaming.
We waited for the lift at the lobby. It took forever to reach the first level. Tristan and I were smiling to ourselves.
The lift door opened and I felt the cold wind again. Once again, it sent shiver down my spine. Denise and Dax rushed in the lift and I stood rooted to the ground. Tristan took a step forward and caught me staring into the space in front of me. "Hon," he waved his hands. "Kayla are you alright?"
"Tristan. I feel it again. The wind. Tristan. I have a bad feeling about this. Somehow. I don't understand why. The wind. It is like. A bad omen. There is something about the wind..."
"Mummy? Daddy? Come? Home is upstairs." Dax was rushing Tristan and I.
"Kayla. Look." He turned to face me. "Kayla," he held my hands. I felt the warmth. "Kayla, I have not the slightest idea as to which wind are you talking about and look. And you have to be sure about it. Because a wind won't be able to to do anything. We have been together for ten whole years. And look at the kids. Today is their birthday. Look at their smiles and the fun they are having with the puppy. We are going to suprise them later with everything in the house alright? Don't fret okay? Everything is going to be fine. The wind can't hurt you. It's just..." he shrugs, "a wind."
"Trist...I am just worried. I am not saying the wind can do anything. I just feel that something is wrong with the lift. It is like...I don't know how to explain. Can we wait for the next lift or take the stairs? I mean, it's a good exercise. And I mean. For the puppy as well." I was making up stupid reasons. I just had to get them away from the lift.
"Daddy...Is mummy ok?" Denise asked. "Are we going home?"
Tristan pulled me with him. "Kayla, come on. The kids are waiting.
"No..." but Tristan was stronger than I am. He pulled me along. Even though he pulled me, there was no pain inflicted because he was still gentle. And somehow, with his hands clasped around mine, I felt less afraid and worried. But the feeling didn't go away. The goosebumps were still there. And my heart were still pumping unusually fast.
"Wait a minute!!" The lift doors were half closed but it opened again. Our neighbour, Uncle Ben stepped in. A gentle old man who had green fingers. His balcony were like a mini nursery. Denise and Dax liked him alot. Uncle Ben dotes on them. He would teach them to recognize plants and buy them sweets and candies when he pass by the mini mart near our house. He looked at the puppy and the kids and smiled. "Lovely puppy," he said to Tristan and I. I gave him a gentle smile. My focus was fixed on Denise and Dax. I could feel my heart racing. I was suffocating.
The door opened at level four. A young lady came in. She was wearing a white dress and she had long hair that reached to her waist. Something about her was very familiar but I could not put it in words.
Our apartment was at level 18. But somehow today, it seemed to take longer than usual. All of a sudden, the lift jerked and stopped. The lights went out and my heart raced even faster. The children screamed and I held on to Tristan. Both of us wanted to reach for the children but it was pitch black. We could see nothing.
Suddenly. The lift jerked again and it shot up with an abnormal speed. And when I meant abnormal, it meant it wasn't normal. It really shot up and both Tristan and I fell to the ground. I hit my head on the hand rail in the lift and was feeling giddy. I sat on the lift floor, one hand clinging on to Tristan, the other clutching on to the back of my head.
The lift door opened. I was blinded by what was outside. At the same time while I was blinded, there was nothing more than shock and disbelief. There was nothing. And I repeat. Nothing at all. It was just white. A white landscape connected to a white background. No one could tell for sure if there was an end to the white surrounding outside. It was just white.
"No! No! Come! Denise! Dax! COME BACK!" I shouted. I was still weak. The bump on my head. Swollen. I felt weaker. "Tristan..."
I saw a puppy running out, two children chasing after it, and a man rushing after them. The woman stood tall at the door. She gave me a smile. I focused on her hand and saw a wheel. With diamonds. Many diamonds, glittering. I turned to look at Uncle Ben. He had passed out. And that was the last memory I had because I passed out too.
*** ***"Kayla, do you want a blissful young life or a happy old age?" she spoke.
"How do you know my name?" I asked, admiring her elegance.
"I know everything. Do you want a blissful young life or a happy old age?" she asked again.
"What is the wheel in your hand for?" Her beauty was capturing my full attention.
"You will know soon. Do you want a blissful young life or a happy old age?" Her voice was melodic. Every thing about her was flawless.
"A blissful young life." I told her.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded my head.
*** ***I woke up in a room. I looked at the walls around me. Something wasn't right. I felt different. Somehow...just somewhere deep down, I could not understand why I was feeling so empty. I remembered it was Denise and Dax's birthday. Tristan and I had fetched them. We were in the lift.
THE LIFT!
I jumped out of bed and headed for the coridoor, ignoring the fact that I was in my pyjamus. I pushed the gates open and I ran to the lift. I was panting. My heart was palpitating. I gulped and frowned. Where were they. I was breaking down. Tears were rolling. Where are they, JUST WHERE ARE THEY?
Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw Uncle Ben.
"UNCLE BEN, HAVE YOU SEEN THEM? HAVE YOU?"
"Seen who?"
"TRISTAN, DENISE AND DAX. WHERE ARE THEY?"
"Are you okay?"
"I am alright. I AM FINE," I plead with Uncle Ben. "Where are they? Please tell me where they are. I need to know. I need to know if they are okay...Where are they..." I sank to the ground. My world was falling apart.
"Kayla, who are the 'they'? What Tristan? What Denise, Dax? Who or what are they or those things?"
"My husband and children..." I was lost. Confused. How could Uncle Ben not know? He was our closest neighbour. "You were in the lift with them when they ran. Can't you recall? Don't you have any impression?"
"Kayla, listen, there is no Tristan, Denise or Dax. You were never married. Never. Your parents were ill. You had to take care of them. You only travelled between your home, your parents' home and your workplace. And if you were ever married, I would have know. If you have a family of yours, I am still able to figure that out even though I may be old... Are you sure you are alright?"
Anger and frustration were building inside me. Why can't he understand. Why can't he?! He had been so close with Denise and Dax. And he had been on good terms with Tristan. They were still talking about the tips for planting that day. Just that day. Why is he telling me that I have never been married when I have a husband and two children? WHY?
"You are just joking right? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE. Uncle, I was married. I was married. Just take a look. JUST TAKE A LOOK." I pulled him to my apartment. I have got to show him the family photos that Tristan and I took on our wedding day, the photos we took during our family days, and the pictures of our lovely children.
My heart stopped. I stared at the display cabinet. There was none of those pictures. All the photographs in the frames were my parents and I. The ones on the top showed me when I was a child. Then followed by my schooling days and the graduation day. No Tristan, no Denise, No Dax. No signs of them at all.
I opened the doors of the display cabinet. I reached for the nearest photo frame and took it out. I turned it around and emptied it. There was only one photograph. I took another one and did the same. Still one photo and there was still no sign of Tristan and the kids. I took the other frames out and threw them on the floor. I was on the verge of breaking down. I knelt on the floor and brushed the glass pieces aside. They cut through my fingers but I didn't care. JUST WHERE DID THEY WENT?!
I turned to Uncle Ben and begged him. "Please tell me where they went. Please...please...I need them."
I broke down. I felt nothing. I went insane.
"Kayla...Kayla...why are you like that?"
"YOU SUCK UNCLE BEN. YOU SUCK. YOU ARE SENILE. I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE SENILE BUT I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD BE SO SERIOUS THAT YOU FORGOT THE FACT THAT I AM MARRIED. YOU ARE AN OLD MAN. SENILE. SENILE."
I laughed at Uncle Ben when a hurt look showed on his face.
I ran to the lift and kicked the doors of it when it didn't open.
A cold wind blew and the lift door opened. I went in and pressed the button "1". The lift door closed and a few seconds later, my legs gave way. I sat on the ground and lost conscious.
*** ***That woman appeared in my dream again. But this time, I wasn't the one who get to decide what I want. I was standing by the side, watching a little girl who was supposingly me.
"A blissful young life."
*** ***I lay down still. I dare not move. I don't understand why they kept me here. I was sober. I was calm. So why did they keep me here?
A woman materalized in front of me. She smiled at me. I admired her beautiful white dress and her elegance. Then I shifted my focus to her delicate hands. In place of the wheel was a crystal ball. I stared at it. There were movements inside and I was trying to figure out what.
All of a sudden, I burst out laughing and I laughed continously. I just kept laughing. Tristan was there with the kids, Denise and Dax. They were all in white suits. Tristan and Dax had a crown on them. Denise had a small tiara that was similar to the one the angel had. They were playing with the puppy. Happily, like they belonged there. They seemed to have forget about me.
I called out to them, "Tristan...Denise...Dax? Hello there?"
"Hi Kayla, how was your blissful young life?"
I stopped. "Hi angel, why did you take them away from me?" And I started crying.
"Kayla, you chose your own path. When you first saw me, I had a wheel in my hand. That wheel was the wheel of fate. It brought mirth to many as well as sadness to the others. When I had you to choose whether you want a blissful young life or a happy old age, it meant that you will have to live through without the other. When you picked blissful young life, you gave up the happy old age. That's why you are here now. Tristan and the kids belonged to you when you going through blissful young life. But now that you reached old age, they have to be gone."
I closed my eyes, laughing while tears streamed down.
I was 57.
---END---*** *** *** *** ***Hihihihi! ;D .
Don't worry. I am like. Still on the right track of mind alright? This story was being constructed with ideas that were indirectly given by Eddy LOLS. Also known as my Uncle Ram.
Credits for the ideas of the story, I am still thinking. Because. At this point of time, I spent 2 hours typing the story. Like so I am feeling very very very sleepy now and I was halfway through my hundred page English workbook and *yawns* I really can't think well. But I can remember Ram because he was the last to SMS me at 2AM. So...*yawns* .
Readers, COMMENTS PLEASE!
*** *** *** *** ***Started at: 4.10AM.
Finished at: 6.31AM.
*** *** *** *** ***Finished edited at: 11.53AM.
I added some parts and corrected some of the spelling errors as well as grammer errors. I believe there are still alot more, so please do tell me if you spot any.
And hihihi QuanLi. Like. I posed so yeah. Read kkkk. D< !
A Warm Welcome
~A Warm Welcome~“You can’t let me go now…” she sobbed.
“Why not?” he asked, in the most monotone voice he had.
“Because I love you.” She grabbed on to his arm.
“Cut it out. My feelings for you have faded. I have to go now. She is waiting.” He pulled her hands away and dropped it. “I hope we won’t meet again.” And he left her standing under the lamppost where the dim light flickered.
*** ***A tear rolled down as I woke up from my dream. Memories of him came flooding back.
No. I must not think of him. That is the reason why I am on this plane now, on my way to Venice. Away from the place of depression, away from him.
He had promised to go to Venice with me. He said the lights and scenery there was beautiful. As beautiful as I were. He said the atmosphere there was just right for us. Just like how I am just right to be the one for him.
But memories are just memories now. Times changed. He changed. His heart changed.
“Passengers, please buckle on your seat belts. The plane will be landing in awhile.”
*** ***Venice. What a beautiful place.
It was a pity I am here alone. All by myself, without him. So why did I choose to come here when I wanted to forget him? I thought that in order to forget him, I must let go of him. And in order to do so, I must learn to face up to the memories he gave me.
Half in a daze lost in my own flashback, I walked into him. His charming blue eyes, deep as an ocean, held my gaze. I held my breath as I examined his features. My heart started thumping faster and faster. I have never been so close in contact with any guy other than Dew.
“Are you ok, Miss?”
I startled. “Oh!” I looked away and pretended to check my luggage. “Yes I am. I am.”
I gave him a quick smile.
“You look lost,” he replied with a gentle smile that kept me mesmerized.
“Yes I am, I guess?” Lost in his eyes.
He scratched his head in a way I thought he looked extremely cute. “Do you need my help then? I have been around here for quite some time. I can help you find your destination if you want,” still with a smile on his face.
“Yes sure,” I flushed.
*** ***Ray kept me company for the rest of my stay in Venice. He became my tour guide, my friend. And just like his name, he brought light into my life. When I reached Venice, my world was still surrounded by the gloom that roamed around me. But as days passed being with him, the gloomy clouds dispersed one by one. And slowly, I fell in love with him. It was all too fast. But my heart told me that Ray would not be like Dew. Ray was different. He can bring light into my world. He brought me to see the world. The much more beautiful world I deserve. Maybe, I thought to myself, this is love at first sight.
One of Ina’s song rang in my ears, “And suddenly the things that used to sound cliché are perfectly right in my eyes, perfectly right with this guy.”
We did all the things couple did. We watched movies, we took strolls. We ate our meals together, we had picnics. We held hands, and I felt the sense of security when my hands are clasped in his, and that warm feeling each time he pulled and secure me in his embrace. My face, I swear will turn red each time our body came into contact.
My heart thumped so loud I believed everyone around us could hear when his lips touched mine. We were on the streets, where many couples were around too. He proudly acknowledged me in front of everyone there that I was his girlfriend. And that he wanted to spend his life with me. It was something Dew never did. I hated him for hiding me away from his friends, making me feel unworthy to be introduced to anyone as his girl.
It was not long after before one of our dates ended up in his house. It was his birthday.
25 April, when I gave myself to him. It was merely lip locking but it was too much to resist. I wanted him and he wanted me. We wanted each other so much. And with the effects of alcohol acting up, it was no wonder I lost my head. We ended up in his bed.
“Do you regret it?” he asked me.
“Definitely not,” I flushed.
“I was afraid you did. Emily, do you know, this is the first time I felt so elated ever in my whole life? Just yesterday, you gave me the best birthday present I can ever get. I don’t want to lose you. Be mine forever will you?”
“For you, I will.”
His words sounded so real. And I trusted him. Only him. I didn’t understand why I gave in to him so easily after being hurt so deeply by Dew.
Dew was my first and only crush and he dumped me. I knew he had many girls around him but I trusted him. He broke my trust and by right, I should have hesitate more before trusting any other guys but here I was, trusting Ray with my life. Like he was the one for me. And I was so sure about that.
I thought I had the world with me. I thought I had fate controlled now. But happiness never last long because I was so blessed I forgot about that fact that I was on a holiday. And before I knew it, my time in Venice was almost up. I needed to be back where I belonged.
My Ray. My everything.
*** ***“Promise that you will write to me.” Tears flowing down.
We were standing in the air port. I was looking down at the floor. I was afraid of seeing his face for the last time. I did not want to leave him. He was my world and I needed him. What am I going to do without him? He brought the sunshine back in me. My smile that was present only for him. But now that we are going to part, will the gloom return?
“I will,” he pulled me into his embrace like he always did. It hurt me badly when I know that was probably going to be the last time I can feel this sense of security no one but him can give.
He came with a bouquet of roses. He said I was as beautiful as those roses. He was wearing the same set of clothes he wore when we first met. We were standing on the same spot where I walked into him. We were at where we met, now we had to part at the same spot. It was like reading a story and it was the ending. It was ridiculous but true.
“I hate leaving you.” I hugged his neck tightly, and memories of us walking down the aisle of the park became vivid.
He looked at me with eyes that penetrated me. “Take this. Do not open it until you are on the plane. Open it when you miss me. This letter will keep you company when you think of me.” He passed me a pink envelope. It was sealed tightly.
“Passengers who are boarding plane SL45 please gather at the departure hall now. The gate of the hall will be closing in approximately ten minutes.”
Ray walked me to the departure hall.
“I have to leave now. Do you have anything else to say to me? Just one last sentence before I go?”
He looked at me. “Emily, I love you.”
That was all I needed. I took the luggage from his hands and he bent down to give me a peck on my forehead. “Goodbye, Ray. I will miss you.”
I walked without looking back. I did not want him to see my tears. I wanted him to remember me as the happy me, and not the weak me. Each step I took, it hurt more. Each step I took, I was further away from him.
“Emily, I love you,” his voice echoed.
I stepped into the hall. The air that blew into my face was cold. Like I stepped into Arctic. Life without Ray is going to be like in Arctic.
I turned around. I made sure Ray could not see my tears. I gave him a bitter smile.
“Goodbye, Ray,” was all that raced through my mind as I waved to him, with the bouquet in my hand, held tightly.
I turned and headed for the plane. As I did, tears started to stream down uncontrollably again. Suddenly, it was not gloom that surrounded me. I felt as if I was walking on nothing. I could feel nothing. I could see nothing. I was nothing. Without Ray, that was how empty I was. My soul tore. “Ray, where are you, I am missing you now.”
*** ***I sat still in my seat. My face covered with tracks of the tears that dried up. I stare into the air in front of me. I saw Ray. Images of where and how we met came flooding. I miss him. I am missing him even though it’s just ten minutes ago when I last saw him. Ten minutes ago when I heard him said he loves me. I had him ten minutes ago. And now, ten minutes later from then, I lost him. I lost everything.
“Passengers, please buckle your seat belts. The plane will be departing in a short while.”
“Miss, please buckle your seat belt.” Someone tapped me. I was pulled back into reality and as I fidgeted, my handbag dropped.
I looked up. An air stewardess was smiling. I returned a weak smile and buckled my seat belt. I bend down to pick up my bag. As I did, I noticed a pink edge of an envelop jutting out.
Ray!
I took out the envelope and held it close to me. Suddenly, I feel alive. I flipped the envelop front and back to find a way to reach the contents inside without having to damage the envelop. The envelop was Ray. How can I damage him?
Ray Ray Ray.
But it seemed no other way. I tore slowly. The opening that had been sealed tightly, wondering what was inside.
Ray Ray Ray.
I need to know what is inside.
Ray Ray Ray.
It was nicely torn.
Ray!
I reached and took out the card inside it.
Ray…
I drop the card after reading it.
*** ***
Printed in Ray’s handwriting were those deadly words in red.
“Hi Emily dear, welcome to the AIDS Club.”
---END---
First Official Post!
This blog is created with credits to my very close friend Qib.
Also known as my life motivationer. Lols.
This place shall be where I put my inspiration into place.
I hope by doing this, my English will improve.
;D Readers, please tag at the tagbox after reading the stories.
Your comments are greatly appreciated.
That's for the simple self-intro for this blog.
Have fun~!